In search of happiness

As we begin a new year, we all wish for ourselves, and others, a year filled with good health, financial stability and happiness.

But what is happiness? It is often thought of as the good life, freedom from suffering, flourishing, well-being, joy, prosperity and pleasure. Its pursuit is enshrined as a fundamental right in the Declaration of Independence. But what do we really know about happiness? Can we study it? Can we make ourselves happier? Who is happy and who is not?

Researchers are learning more about these things.

Originally, psychology only studied disorders, but that gave us only one component of our mental health. Over the last 50 years, positive psychology has developed as the scientific study of strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive. Research in the field includes studying strengths, positive emotions, resilience and happiness to learn more about our well-being.

Martin Seligman, one of the leading researchers in positive psychology and the author of “Authentic Happiness,” describes happiness as having three parts: pleasure, engagement and meaning. Pleasure is the “feel good” part of happiness. Engagement refers to living a “good life” of work, family, friends and hobbies. Meaning refers to using our strengths to contribute to a larger purpose.

Seligman says all three are important, but of the three, engagement and meaning make the most difference to living a happy life. Your satisfaction with life also affects your level of happiness, as do genetics and environment. If you grew up in a happy family, you may lean more toward being a happy person. But, you might be able to change your outlook on life even if you didn’t.

Think of it like you think about weight. If you eat what you want and exercise, your body will settle down to a certain weight. If you begin to eat less and exercise more, you should lose weight. If this new diet or exercise regime becomes part of your everyday life, you will stay at this new weight. If you go back to eating and exercising the way you used to, your weight will return to where it started. So it is with happiness. You have the ability to control how you feel, and, with consistent practice, you can form life-long habits for a more satisfying, fulfilling and happy life.

There are many misconceptions about happiness, including that it is about feeling good all the time. An even-keeled mood is more psychologically healthy than a mood in which you achieve great heights of happiness regularly, because what goes up must come down. Furthermore, when you ask people what makes their lives worth living, they rarely say anything about their mood.

They are more likely to discuss what is meaningful to them, such as their work or relationships.

Recent research even suggests that if you focus too much on trying to feel good all the time, you will actually undermine your ability to feel good at all. In other words, no amount of feeling good will be satisfying to you since what you expect all the time is not possible for most people.

Happiness is also not about being rich or able to afford everything you want. It’s true that money does not buy happiness. Let’s say that you got an extra $10,000, what would you do with it? After one year, would you even notice that you had gotten this windfall? Somehow, budgets get adjusted and the previous numbers get forgotten. The only exception is if you do something special with that money that creates a new experience for you or your family, such as traveling somewhere that helps you all bond.

Other things may make us happy in the short run, but they tend to fade over time as we adapt to them. An exciting, shared experience will linger much longer than the purchase of a big-ticket item.

Happiness is not a problem-free life, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way.

There is no such thing as a problem-free life: difficulties are unavoidable. But, how we experience and react to our problems depends on us. We are responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality - the amount of energy or “life-force” we have - is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether we are happy.

True happiness is to be found in the state of our hearts – it is not something that exists on the far side of some distant mountain. It is within you. Happiness is found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you overcome one obstacle after another.

The tall challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. But the exact same climb will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

May you “climb your mountains,” and meet any other of life’s challenges, in this new year. Wishing you a happy, healthy 2016.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Should you feel overwhelmed or sad in this new year, know that you can always turn to the Counseling Center at Jewish Family Service. For more information, call 401-331-1244.

BONNIE RYVICKER is secretary of the board of Jewish Family Service. She is volunteer JFS columnist.