Motherhood, an emotional challenge

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Motherhood.  I am not sure I was fully prepared for the experience. I remember being initially enthralled with the idea of loving my new bundle of joy. And then, moments after first cuddling my newborn, the realization of motherhood and all its responsibilities hit me! Sleepless nights, ear infections, colic, temper tantrums, dirty diapers, sibling rivalry … sound all too familiar? Many mothers consider raising children to be the hardest job in the world.

I believe the greatest challenges of motherhood are not necessarily in the day-in, day-out tasks – though those can be physically draining – but in the emotional issues that evolve.  My days were no longer my own. I lost control over everything. I could no longer stay in bed for a few extra minutes, or leisurely read the morning paper. And I definitely could not control when my children were hungry or how long they slept: I had to learn to accept that I was no longer in control of my life.

Raising children also brought worries that grew over time. Initially, I worried if I had fed them enough, or if I held them enough, or if they knew I loved them. I eventually worried about them making friends at school and fitting in, their engagement in risky behavior, professional success in their careers, and if they were in healthy relationships.

From the time they were born, I wanted my children to have stress-free and tender lives. I would do whatever I could to take away any heartache or physical pain, even though that was not always possible. My children survived colic, scraped knees, broken arms and heartaches following relationship breakups. And with every ache and pain they felt, I experienced the same for them in my heart.

For me, motherhood and worry went hand in hand – but I learned to accept the paths that each child chose. I learned to embrace their dreams as my own dreams for them.

Accepting the reality that at some point my children will no longer need me is very hard. I have not come to terms with this idea completely. I’d like to think that my children will always need their mother for something.  

But as I witness their adult lives, I realize I have successfully launched them, and they can now live without me. They are capable of knowing what to do without my guidance.

 Now, as I reflect on motherhood, I take pleasure in remembering all the many moments  that made the effort and worry so worthwhile. I realize motherhood continues to be one of the most rewarding aspects of my life.

For those who struggle with motherhood and the stressors it brings, please know that help is available through the Counseling Center at Jewish Family Service. Our caring clinicians offer support through all stages of development and the lifecycle. For more information, contact JFS at 401-331-1244.

ERIN GISHERMAN MINIOR, LICSW, is CEO of Jewish Family Service.

Mother's Day, Living Well