In the winter of 1973-74, an oil embargo had forced changes in the life of every American. Back then, I wasn’t old enough to drive, and the only bill I had to worry about paying was for my subscription to Mad Magazine. 

But I remember how my father had turned down the thermostat to 62 degrees at night, and how we would walk around in sweaters and long underwear. You may say I am exaggerating when I tell you we could see our breath in the morning, but that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

At the time, I wasn’t happy with the situation. I was frustrated, irritated and annoyed. And I was cold!

But I can say that the lessons I learned during that cold winter, and in a few winters that followed, have been with me my whole life.

I don’t look back anymore with frustration, irritation or annoyance; I look back with thanks. The energy crisis taught me many important things that I didn’t think I needed to learn: things like conservation, ecology, making sacrifices for the good of everyone, even things like world politics and economics. I don’t think I would have learned any of those things if I hadn’t needed to spend a few nights in a sweater.

Back then the energy crisis drew our attention. Today, it’s the economic crisis. With our current tough financial times, it may seem insensitive of me to suggest that household stress can be good for our lives, or the lives of our children.

But, like it or not, hard times can make a family emotionally healthier. Child development research shows, for example, that children exposed to moderate adverse events are emotionally stronger later in life compared to children who had not had any significant stress in early in life.

And, adult individuals who have weathered hardships together with their family will often look back, as I did my “long john days,” will say that they grew stronger because of the challenges they had to overcome.

Getting through tough times does take some work though, and riding the rough seas or adversity is easier if the whole family is on board. And, in order to help brace the family for difficulties, it’s best to shore your up your ship before it sets sail. Ready for some advice from a doctor on how to do it?

First, take care of your physical and emotional health. Eating moderate portions of healthy food, exercising regularly, and engaging in intellectual challenges keep you fit during trying times.

Next, maintain open lines of communication. Having families keep in touch takes more than the ability to talk to one another. It takes good listening. Before you jump in to give your opinion, make sure you’ve let the person you are talking to know that his or her opinion was heard first. Being able to share thoughts and feelings during troubled times will go a long way toward coming up with comfort and support.

Demonstrate empathy, acceptance, and love. So, “my son the doctor,” ends up being a shoe salesman. It that OK by you? When you pressure people to be someone other than themselves, you shake the foundation of trust that they are appreciated for who they are. Taking time to see the world through the eyes of those you love will help you to understand how to prop them up in times of trouble.

Finally, set realistic goals. We all mess up from time to time, so don’t kick yourself over it. Being a strong family unit means learning from your mistakes, not expecting perfection. During tumultuous times, you’ll probably make quite a few missteps, but remember that by keeping your expectations down to earth you can solve problems, together, one step at a time.

When bad things happen, it can put tremendous strain on a family. But developing a strong supportive network can help you get through these days and reassure you and your family that you’ll always be there for each other. After all, back in the 1970s, my sweaters and longjohns kept me warm, but it was the support, attention, and love of my family that kept me strong.

Scott Haltzman, M.D., is a psychiatrist and author at Brown University. He wrote: The Secrets of Happily Married Men, and The Secrets of Happily Married Women.

His new book, The Secrets of Happy Families, will be published in June. In April, he will be the keynote speaker at the “Parenting Matters” conference.

You can visit his web site, www.DrScott.com, or reach him at DrHaltzman@secretsofmarriedmen.com.